Typing One Handed

Parenting is a game where only the kids know the rules.

Adventures in Diaper Changing December 22, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kelly Jo @ 10:44 am

If you spend a significant amount of time around babies then you are no stranger to poop knuckle.  You know, when you are changing a dirty diaper and a baby wiggle causes a hand slip, causing a knuckle to hit the poop- poop knuckle.  This action is generally followed by cries of disgust, hasty diaper changing, and vigorous hand washing in the hottest water you can tolerate.  Unless you are gross, then you skip that last step.  Anyway…

The morning started out normally enough.  We got up, Kelly took Zoey to daycare, I put on the coffee.  While waiting to see if the baby would finish sleeping before the coffee finished brewing I decided to check my email.  As usual, SITS (hey SITStahs!) had sent me a link to the featured blogger of the day.

Let me tell you, today is a goodie!  I was laughing out loud by the time the coffee was ready.  (And Maya was still sleeping- score!)  I had just finished having a good laugh at Momedy’s expense (do yourself a favor and read this when you’re done here) when the baby woke.

After Maya ate I could tell that it was definitely time to change her diaper.  It was that tell-tale mix of smell+warmth+feeling the sensation of a small explosion against your arm.  Yes, definitely diaper time.

The process started normally enough.  Open jammies, unfasten diaper, be shocked that my tiny little girl is able to produce this, gasp and hold my breath, gather up enough strength to finish without passing out, grab a baby wipe and get this over with.  I was being careful- it was just too early for poop knuckle.  My left hand had a firm control around her ankles.  I had her bottom elevated enough so it would not dip down onto the diaper, necessitating a repeat of the process, this also keeps my hand from doing the same.  And then it happened…

I only wish it were poop knuckle.

First came the gas, then came the poo.  It flew out like her bum was a sawed-off shotgun.

And all the fragments landed on my face.

I felt like that kid on Slumdog Millionaire.  I know my whole body wasn’t covered in poop, but when it is on your face it’s about the same.  When you are rubbing several baby wipes over your face and they’re turning yellowish-brown it feels that way.

Today I praise God that for once in my life my mouth was closed.  The poop didn’t get in, and the vomit didn’t get out.

I quickly finished that diaper change and passed Maya off to my husband.  I immediately jumped into the hottest shower I could manage (I’m pretty sure there are now burns on my body from the scalding temperature of the water). I scrubbed my face like it had never been scrubbed before.  Wash face, exfoliate, repeat.  And repeat.  I still don’t feel clean.

The good news?  If there was any doubt left that I was done having kids, that doubt is now gone.  I will be calling my OBGYN promptly to see if, in addition to an IUD, he will put me on Norplant and the pill.  And remove my uterus.  When there is poop on your face that seals the deal- THIS SHOP IS CLOSED.

In the meantime, I feel I have earned the right to run my errands sans baby today.  My husband doesn’t yet know this is the plan, and by the time he reads this I will be gone.

But if you will please excuse me now, I need to go wash my face again.


Looking Back, Looking Ahead December 21, 2009

Filed under: Hopes — Kelly Jo @ 11:55 am

Every year as Christmas approaches I find myself doing a lot of reflecting.  It’s hard not to do, as Christmas brings both the end of one year, and the beginning of the next.

There are always hopes.  For example, last year Christmas looked like this:

Remember? I just showed you this last week!

While looking ahead last year, I was hoping this year we would see a change.  And we did.

This year she wouldn't even sit on his lap.

I suppose there is always next year.  (You know, when I will have two who are terrified by Santa Clause.)

I accomplished my main goal last year: to get pregnant.  I was fortunate enough that it happened super fast and was blessed a thousand fold with my beautiful Maya.  It may seem like an odd resolution, but I don’t think one can achieve anything greater.

Maya Grace Courtesy Bella Lucia Photography

Now I am looking ahead to the hopes I have for next year.  ’07 brought a baby, ’08 brought a marathon.  ’09 brought another baby, so it looks like I better dust off my running shoes.  When I get in marathon mode it is a HUGE part of my life.  I look forward to sharing my ups and downs in marathon training in the year to come.

I can't believe I am going to do this to myself again!

My other big goal is in this blog.  I am really planning on pouring even more of myself into it, which can result in benefits for you!  Already lined up for 2010: a collaboration with the hilarious Kisha Floren, and tips on how to get great photos of kids of all ages from my dear friend and AMAZING photographer Kellene Maynard of Bella Lucia Photography.  I will also be making some technical changes that will hopefully make your experience here better.  But possibly most exciting of all?  THERE WILL BE GIVEAWAYS!!! (Who doesn’t like free stuff?)

To make sure that you are staying on top of what’s happening at Typing One Handed, make sure you can easily stay in contact.  Follow me on Twitter (@kellyjorichards) or subscribe to Typing One Handed by entering your email address in the space provided on the right (I promise you will only get mail from this blog, and your address is not shared).

I am looking forward to seeing what 2010 will bring.  I hope you are too.


Cooking Through a Case of the Mondays December 20, 2009

Filed under: Cooking — Kelly Jo @ 1:15 pm

Being a mom is a lot of work.  There is cleaning to be done, meals to prepare, appointments to be kept, all while having your every move scrutinized by little people who are learning all about life from you.  Throw an eight-hour workday on top of that, and you have the recipe for stress.

Well, take a much-needed break mommy.  I am here to help you!  As it so happens, I am a mom who works outside the home too.  You know what else?  I am a mom who loves to cook!  I know how hard it can be to come home on a Monday and cook dinner for your family, knowing there are still four exhausting days left.  Are you an at home mom?  This is for you too.  I know it must be difficult, alone all day with the kiddos and no one to give you a break.  Nap time should be for resting, not for cooking.

I am excited to present you my first weekly blog,  Cooking Through a Case of the Mondays.  It is here to help you prepare a quick and easy Monday night dinner that your family is sure to love!  Why post on Sunday?  By posting on Sunday you have time to get your groceries, and, in many cases, prepare the dish ahead so that all you have to do on Monday evening is turn on the oven and toss it in.

*Note- I am a big believer in being a carnivore, if you are a vegetarian you will probably have to tweak the recipes to make them work for you.

So what is for dinner tomorrow?

Macaroni and Cheese

(Put that blue box away ladies- we’re doing the real thing here!)

Here is what you need:

1 can condensed cheddar cheese soup

1/2 soup can milk

Salt and pepper

2 cups uncooked pasta (I like to use whole wheat large elbow macaroni, you can use shell, corkscrew or whatever else you have in the pantry)

shredded cheese ( you determine the amount)

2 tsp melted butter

1 tbsp seasoned bread crumbs (just buy them- making them yourself TOTALLY defeats the purpose of this post!)

Cook noodles according to package directions

While noodles are cooking, mix soup, milk, salt and pepper (to taste) in a 1 qt casserole; add cooked noodles and mix well; add a small (or large, if you prefer) handful of shredded cheese, and mix again

Bake uncovered, 400 degrees, 15 minutes

Just before the macaroni comes out, mix the bread crumbs with the melted butter.  Top the macaroni with more cheese (if desired) and bread crumbs.  Bake 5 minutes more.

Steam up some frozen veggies, and dinner is served!  And I promise your kids will love it!  What kid ever said no to mac and cheese?

Variation: This dish is GREAT with some cooked chicken or ham chopped up and mixed in.  For extra ease toss in some canned chicken breast (like the kind you get at Costco) or slice up some lunch meat.  Want some extra zest? Put a little tobasco on it or even in it, if your kids can take the heat.  Yummy!

Do you have a dish you’re trying to perfect, or something in your pantry you want to get rid of?  Leave a comment telling me what it is, and I will see what we can cook up in a future post!


A Long Night December 18, 2009

Filed under: kids — Kelly Jo @ 8:24 am

It was a long night.  A Very. Long. Night.

Yesterday was Thursday, so those who know me well know that I was awaiting the girls’ bedtime all day long so I could get to the all important weekly task of watching Survivor.  I basically look forward to next weeks episode as soon I finish watching this weeks.  And it is like that every week.

Now, you all know that I am a shining example of a top-notch mother who would NEVER cut corners.  Especially not for a TV show.  For example, an 8 o’clock bed time would never become 7:45 just so that I don’t get too far behind on the wonderfulness that is Thursday night TV.  No way.  Not in this house… (Seems like I’ve written about lying recently.)

Anyway, it is 8:03 and my husband and I are SO ready to get this party started.  Kids in bed?  Check.  Popcorn?  Check.  TiVO queued up? Check.  And then comes the pounding.

Ah… nothing like the sound of two-year old fists banging on a door after bedtime.

Up the stairs I go because my 6th mommy sense has told me she has turned on the light, which she can turn on quite easily but can never seem to turn off, making sleeping pretty impossible.  And that, of course, makes mommy and daddy time impossible.  My mommy sense was right (don’t act so surprised) so I flipped the switch and began to leave.

“Poo-poo, Mommy.  Poo-poo.”  she tells me.  Well, I’m about 98% sure this is a bedtime stall tactic, but since we are in the process of potty training, and she had such a good evening in that area, I didn’t want to risk it.  So I got to sit on the bathroom floor for a while waiting for Zoey to do, well, nothing.

When I had her wrap it up and get her “pin-cess peejammies” (princess pajamas) back on she starts in on “I’m hungry Mommy.”  Let me tell you about my child- she is ALWAYS hungry.  The girl would quickly snack herself into childhood obesity if I let her.  All day long I hear “Cheerios Mommy” or “orange Mommy” and “crackers Mommy.”  Of course when I say “no crackers right now, it’s dinner time” I hear the scream of “NO DINNER!!!!!!!!”

This stall tactic did not work, I don’t let her snack after bedtime.  So I get her back in bed, covered the light switch with tape (we have had this little problem throughout the night for three nights now), tell her I love her and go back downstairs.

Of course the baby started crying at that point.  Why wouldn’t she?  We’re clearly creating an un-funny SNL sketch (also known as an SNL sketch) so this fits in just perfectly.  I made the decision that this was a sleep fuss and she would be quiet again quickly.  I got a break this time, and this actually happened.  Go mommy sense- twice in one night!

At 8:36 we finally got to start our show.  And it was good. ( Survivor fans- I have never love-hated anyone as much as I love-hate Russell!)  At the end of the show it’s looking like I can check my email and various social accounts before turning in early.  I’m chuckling as I write this.  That’s funny.

As I was finishing up on the computer I heard a rather loud thump.  Followed by wailing.  I run upstairs to discover Zoey has fallen out of bed.  She has a toddler bed, so it was a short fall and she wasn’t hurt, but she was definitely scared.  I held her and rocked her until she calmed down and then put her back to bed.

I came back down and played some pretty pointless computer games, waiting for Zoey to fall back asleep, as she was once again up and playing around.  I finally resigned around eleven, and let her come in our room.  She watched Horton Hears a Who, jumped on our bed, asked us what we were doing about a thousand times, and was beyond happy.  We put her back in her bed sometime around midnight. Maya woke at 1:30 for a feeding, and was up for the day at 5:23.  Like I said, it was a long night.

Normally I hate nights like this.  I wake up yelling at the coffee pot that it isn’t brewing fast enough, I am grumpy at my husband and kids, and I let it affect my whole day.  Last night though, as I was sitting in Zoey’s dark room kissing her scared, tear stained cheeks, I realized that as unglamorous as being a mommy often is, it is simply the most divine thing I have ever been blessed enough to enjoy.  And enjoy I did.

I enjoyed Zoey wiggling and giggling as she layed on our bed, I enjoyed cuddling with Maya as I admitted that we were up for the day.  The hard nights will someday end, and with them will go the tender moments when I can show my kids that I love them no matter the hour.  So I try to cherish these moments while I still have them, no matter how long the night may be.


Three Phenomenal People December 17, 2009

Filed under: mourning — Kelly Jo @ 11:08 am

I am writing today with a heavy heart.

I’m sure many of you have followed the story of the missing hikers on Mt. Hood.  Whenever a tragedy like this occurs I am always saddened, and wonder why this loss of life had to happen.

This particular incident has hit a little close to home, quite literally.  While I do not personally know any of the three who tragically passed this week, I know many people who do.  Anthony Vietti was residing in Longview, WA, the city in which I grew up.  He attended the same church where many people I’ve known my whole life attend, including my parents.  My parents, and several other people I know, participated in youth work with him.  While I never had the opportunity to meet him, my heart is broken for the people who are mourning this loss.

As a believer and follower of Christ, we can have peace knowing that our loved one is home with Him.  Unfortunately, this doesn’t take away the pain of our loss.  And it doesn’t stop us from deeply missing that person, while we wait to meet them once again.  There are so many people who are hurting right now.  But there are even more people who are praying for all of you, praying that the peace will soon be bigger than the pain.

I had never heard the names of these three people until last Saturday morning.  The world quickly discovered that we have all lost three phenomenal people.

About 20-25 people from Anthony’s church gathered on Monday night to pray for him and support one another.  Much of this time, I was told, was spent talking about what an amazing and good person Anthony is.  During this time of sharing stories and warm memories, the people who were there started asking each other if anyone had ever told him.

Too often we are blessed to have someone touch us deeply, but we don’t take the moment to tell them.  So today in honor of the three phenomenal people who were lost, I would like to tell three people in my life how wonderful I think they are.

I am so fortunate that my life is filled with people who amaze me every day.  I have three people who subscribe to my blog (therefor subjecting themselves to my nonsense on a near daily basis), and since I know they will be reading this I am going to use this opportunity to say what they mean to me.

Peggy R.- you are a daily example to me of a mother’s heart.  No matter the time, the distance, or the situation, you are there for your children in any way they need you.  You truly shine with a mother’s love.  You are a phenomenal person.

Kelly, my husband- you are an amazing father.  I wish  the world could watch you when you’re being a dad.  That is what I know you were born to do, and if the world had more dads like you it would be a better place.  You are a phenomenal person.

Mom- You are a constant source of undying support to me.  Whether it’s helping me stay sane as I try to figure out this mom thing, telling me how much you’ve laughed and encouraging me to keep writing, or simply pausing 100 times a day when I call you at work, you always provide me with the support I need.  You are a phenomenal person, and I am so sorry for your loss.

Whether you knew the three hikers or not, if you heard anything about them I’m sure you agree that they were amazing people, and the world will be a little darker without them.  However, that just means we need to shine brighter.  I hope that  you will take a moment and do so.

In honor of Anthony Vietti, Katie Nolan, and Luke Gullberg, I would like to challenge you to lift up three phenomenal people in your life.

I mourn the loss of these three for now, and await the day when I can meet them and tell them how they touched me, and people throughout the world.


Lying as an Artform December 16, 2009

Filed under: holidays,kids — Kelly Jo @ 11:37 am

I have a little problem.  It’s not exactly a a bad problem, the only person it adversely effects is me.

I am a terrible liar.

I used to think I was so smart and getting away with so much.  I know now that pretty much everyone can read me like a book.

“Do you like my new hair cut Kelly?” ” Um, yeah, uh, it looks, uh, like, um, really good.” Convincing, I know.

Normally I just deal with it- I tell the truth.  Or I don’t comment on your new haircut.  (Which probably half the time I don’t notice anyway.  So if I didn’t comment on your new haircut you have at least a 50/50 chance I just didn’t notice- which is also probably kind of offensive, so nevermind.)  The problem is that at Christmas you kind of have to lie when you have little kids.  Oh you didn’t get the memo?  Santa is fiction, don’t tell the kids.

Truth be told, I don’t really care whether or not my kids believe in Santa.  However, I do care a great deal about what people I hardly know think of me, so I don’t want the other daycare moms to hate me for letting my kids ruin their kids’ Christmas.  Because of this, we go ahead and have a lot of talk about good ol’ St. Nick around here.

This year isn’t too bad.  I asked Zoey what she wants Santa to bring her and she said “Cupcakes!”  Cool.  Santa/mommy can easily pull that off, and the legend of Santa remains.  I asked her if she knows what Maya wants, and she tells me Maya wants a blue present.  Homemade blue burp cloth (singular), done.  Get busy little elves.

At what age though, will she be asking Santa for something I can’t afford, like a 60″ HDTV, or something I don’t want her to have, like a Red Rider BB gun? (Nice.)  Bad example, I would be proud if she asked for that.  Lets go with anything Hannah Montana.  That girl drives me nuts!  And even worse, what if she asks for both?  How on earth will I be able to spin a good  lie as to why Santa didn’t bring her these things?  If I could type a response, it would be easy.

“Oh Zoey, since we have a gas fireplace we don’t have a chimney.  Santa has to take a special route because of that, and he can’t get that big a package in through the way he comes.  Is there something a little smaller you’d like instead?”  (I know, that was good.  You should totally use that.)

However, my spoken response would sound something like this.  “Oh Zoey.  You see, well, what I’m trying to say, um, chimney, uh… too fat.  No.  Well, OK.”  By the way, I WILL be blushing furiously during this response.  And then I will have to see my child’s heartbroken face when she ends up with a mere plate of cupcakes.

It was so much easier when this was how she felt about Santa (Christmas '08).

So what do you do when lying is not an option?  I guess I will start by apologizing that my kids ruined your kids’ Christmas.  I hope the daycare moms are reading this.  (I had to apologize to a daycare mom last year when at the Christmas party her son said “Mommy, can I play with my new toy before Zoey starts chewing on it?”)

Or I suppose I could put my selfishness aside and get her the Hannah Montana at the sake of my remaining sanity.  I could also stop spending money so frivolously on things like the mortgage and groceries so that she may have these important gifts.

I guess the best option would just be to start practicing now.  I guess that means that my New Year’s resolution will be to lie more.

By the way, I LOVE your new haircut!


Blaming the Horomones (Yet Again) December 15, 2009

Filed under: blogging — Kelly Jo @ 1:47 pm

Something I find very interesting during the pregnancy and postpartum  months is the inability to make a decision.  This accompanies the inability to remember things, the inability to regulate your body temperature, and the inability to watch a sitcom with out crying, laughing hysterically during the un-funny moments, and then getting mad and throwing things at the television set.  But yes, definitely the most interesting to me is the inability to make a decision.  Maybe, or not.

I was thinking about this just now as I was trying to decide where I want to put my heating pad.  Should it go on the kitchen counter on top of the mail, or on the kitchen counter on top of the camera?  I seriously moved it back and forth a few times before deciding to put it away, in the bathroom that was a whole ten feet away from me.

Why am I sharing this with you?  Because earlier I wrote an entire post that is yet to be published on this site.  I like the post, I spent a fair amount of time writing it, but I can’t decide how to end the thing.  The ending I have is not worthy.  Yet I can’t really think of anything better.

So this is what you get for now.  Perhaps I will post the real one later.  Or maybe I’ll have to think on it a bit before I let you see it.  I’m not sure, I just can’t decide.